Tuesday, October 10, 2006

only till now i know i'm living in a dream.
a dream of us.
i used to think everything about you, about me, is about us.
till recently, i realise this is not so.
it never is.
4 years. four.but you still are a mystery.
finally i woke up from the dream and realise everything about you is about her, and everything about me is about us.
to me, you are always a mystery.
i don't know what you are thinking.
to you, i'm transparent.
even the days when we are not together, i am still transparent.
to me, you are like a piece of vanguard.
i can never look through.
no matter how hard i try there is always tiny bits of things that i will find out.
which i do not wish to.
find out that i do not fully occupy your heart.
find out that you are not mine, from the start.
somewhere, there is a her.
i know there is.
to you, somewhere, there is always a him.
but i know there isn't.

i lost you.
i know i really did this time.

good bye

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i thought i had gotten over it. i really believe i had.
i teared. i did not cry.

i thought i never will.
i thought it was meant for me.
i thought...

i think about you more then i know..

i wish i didn't know what i know.
i wish i know if you really mean those.
i wish...

i hope things did not turn out like this.
i hope we were still in tioman.
i really hope...

after so long.. after 4 years.. everything i thought was wonderful was just a dream.

i will stand.. but i need time..

i need time...
a very long period of time i think..
very very long...
Hanlin slept soundly at 10:46:00 PM